i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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