That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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