Betty ford says i'm here all night
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
