pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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