I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize