Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
