so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
