Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
