There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
