i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful