and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality