i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are