Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.