I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.