Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?