There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
