Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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