i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
