Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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