remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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