dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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