What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You were trust falling into bushes
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
