I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
