Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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