I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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