he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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