remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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