My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
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I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
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His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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