I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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