Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
