But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
