It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
