Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
NoShamevember. You game?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
