Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
