i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
