I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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