my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
