I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
