I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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