There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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