the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
