she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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