and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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