Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
