Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she woke up with a sticky ear
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
