Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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