What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
