I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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