the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
