i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
