i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize