New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
