i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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