Swine flu. Run for my life!
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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