The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
