I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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