somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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