My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
