why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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