Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
