People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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