im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
