I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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