It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
