Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
