Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
