note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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