I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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