Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
