Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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