I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Less talking, more tequila
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
