I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
