Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
