I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
