I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
